Guest Blogger at the WG2E
Hey guys! I’m blogging at the Writer’s Guide to EPublishing (WG2E) today about The Heart of a Writer. I am so excited for the opportunity. I hope you’ll join me. Just click on the image below. 
Tagged: author
Lucky Sevens Meme
I thought we’d have a little fun today. I’ve been much too serious of late. So, when I was tagged in the Lucky Sevens Meme by the talented Diana Layne, I thought it was a fantastic idea.
The rules are pretty simple. You take one of your manuscripts (or a recently released book) and turn to page 77. From there, you go down to line 7 and post that line with the next six to make 7 (I can add single digits fairly well, but don’t ask me for much more) to your facebook page/timeline, your blog or where ever you want folks to see it. My friend, John Foxjohn, has a really cool van that he uses as a billboard to help build his author brand. It’s awesome! Hey John — here’s a new idea for you! Hmmm….maybe not. I’d hate to be responsible for someone being so engrossed in your 7 lines of action/suspense that an accident ensues. But hey — I’m sure there are a lot of other places this could work.
So, what’s a meme? For those of you who don’t know (and I didn’t until recently…had to look it up) here’s part of the definition from The Daily Meme that I think fits for this exercise: “A unit of cultural information that represents a basic idea that can be transferred from one individual to another, and subjected to mutation, crossover and adaptation.”
Still not sure what it means? Here’s Wikipedia’s take on it (What would we do without Wikipedia?): “A meme acts as a unit for carrying cultural ideas, symbols or practices, which can be transmitted from one mind to another through writing, speech, gestures, rituals or other imitable phenomena.”
Basically we’re just passing around our snippets in writing. That’s pretty cultural right?
So now let’s talk about the number 7. Cool number that one — I can even see it wearing shades. Can’t you? For many the number 7 is a symbol of luck and good fortune.
According to Wikipedia (Seriously, what would we do???): “The number 7 (七, Pinyin: qī) symbolizes “togetherness”…. It is also recognized as the luckiest number in the West, and is one of the rare numbers that is great in both Chinese and many Western cultures. It is a lucky number in Chinese culture, because it sounds alike to the Chinese character 起 (Pinyin: qǐ) meaning arise.” Ummm…my Chinese is a little rusty so please forgive me if I pronounced that incorrectly.
Why have we come to recognize 7 as such an important numeral? According to Seiyaku.com, (Seiyaku means vow or oath) early civilizations looked at “the brightest physical entities as the most important and highest powers.” Initially only the Sun, Moon & five planets were visible and considered gods. “They were so great and powerful that they not only influenced human affairs and personalities but also supernatural things such as luck and fate…When ‘time’ was being measured by astrologers and astronomers, seven became the number of days in the week.”
The Seiyaku website (which I found very informative) goes on to say:
Seven is a ‘special’, mystical number, the history of which goes way, way back.
In the 6th century Pope Gregory the Great defined a set of seven negative attributes that must be avoided. He instructed the best way to avoid these sins was to adopt seven positive attributes. The three Theological Virtues defined by St. Paul (faith,hope and love) added to the four Cardinal Virtues (prudence, temperance, courage and justice) give us the Seven Heavenly Virtues.
For the Seven Deadly Sins, there are Seven Contrary Virtues. There are also medieval instructions for helping others, giving us the Seven Corporal Works of Mercy.
Ancient religions adopted this number: the Egyptians had seven gods, Parsees seven angels, Persians seven sacred horses, and Phoenicians seven mysterious kabiris gods.
In numerology, the 7 Path Life is the seeker of truth.
Did you know all that about the number 7 already? I only knew it was considered lucky but not why until the research for this post. I found it fascinating.
Okay, so now let’s get to my snippet of lines. I know you’re sitting on the edge of your seat and just can’t wait. Ha! I had three manuscripts to choose from — two suspense novels with romantic elements, BETRAYAL IN A SMALL TOWN (working title) and ILLUSION OF SAFETY as well as my non-fiction, IN THEIR BEST INTERESTS.
If I do say so myself, IN THEIR BEST INTERESTS is pretty good, but it’s not exactly action-packed. At page 77 line 7 in BETRAYAL IN A SMALL TOWN, the characters are doing something fairly innocuous. It’s a first, very rough, draft that’s not finished yet, so I’m cutting myself a little slack here. I lucked out with ILLUSION OF SAFETY though.
Caleb lowered his gun, squinting at the sudden brightness. “Shi…I nearly shot you. Why didn’t you call or text first?”
“I did but you didn’t respond. I thought something had happened.” He holstered his own weapon. “What the hell?” Greg looked over at Caleb’s shirtless torso and sleep-mussed hair. “Did you just come from Tori’s room?”
“Yeah. I…”
“You son of bitch. You took advantage of my sister?” Greg lunged for Caleb, landing a solid punch to his chin.
I cheated adapted just a tad. (Remember the definition above? “…subjected to mutation, crossover and adaptation.”) I added a line after the 7 just to give it a little context and to show a little bit of how the characters are related.
I’m opening up my blog for anyone who wants to post their 7 here. Feel free to provide links to your blog, facebook author page/timeline and/or twitter accounts in case anyone wants to follow you after reading your captivating work. I have such talented friends! So be honest. What do you think of my snippet? Does it make you want to read more? Find something that needs correcting or improving? Hate it? It’s okay. You can say so. I won’t cry. Much. LOL
What’s New In My World
I haven’t really talked much about my own writing, so I want to remedy that today. Why now? Well, for one thing, I’m VERY excited about a couple of things. First of all, I have an awesome cover for my novel, ILLUSION OF SAFETY.
ILLUSION OF SAFETY is a suspense novel with romantic elements. I can’t wait to share it with you, but it’ll be a few months yet. There’s so much to learn going the indie route. But I’m excited about everything and I have wonderful friends from my WG2E Street Team (& it’s sister site, RG2E) and We Are Not Alone (Minions) Groups who are so knowledgeable and willing to help explain things to a newbie like me. I’m so grateful to them for all of their support.
Secondly, I’m hard at work finishing up my non-fiction book, IN THEIR BEST INTERESTS: Don’t Tear Your Kids Apart. This book is based on my 20 years of experience working with families and children within the family court system. I’m hoping I can help parents and others involved in child custody litigation learn to co-parent more effectively and to keep their children out of the middle of their adult issues.
No cover for this one yet, but I have purchased the image that I plan to use and I have someone from another amazing and supportive group Get More Connected-Dallas-Ft Worth that is going to teach me a little Photoshop and I’m going to attempt this one myself. Thanks, Alyssa! Alyssa Truman has an online book store, USBORNE BOOKS & MORE that has fun and educational books for kids. By the way, if you’re a local owned business in the DFW area, the Get More Connected group is awesome!
You’ll be the first to know when these books are available.
I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank someone who kicked my butt and made me start living my dream. It’s not that I hadn’t written off and on since I was able to write. But I never really pursued my dream of being a published author. Why? Fear most likely. It affects us writers on so many levels.
Kay Rifkin, a friend and former co-worker, got tired of hearing me say, “I’m going to write a book someday.” She went to the trouble of getting me a continuing education catalog from a local university and highlighted the writing courses offered there before handing it to me. She told me it was time to stop talking and start doing. She was right. Thank you, Kay! {{{hugs}}}
So what do you think of my cover for ILLUSION OF SAFETY? Do you have anyone like Kay in your life that has supported your dreams and gave you a good kick in the tushy? What about other writers and supportive groups?
A Writer’s Fear
This week, Kate Wood wrote about the fear that holds her back at times in her post, You Are Not Special. Now, Kate apparently confessed her secret of being scared to a friend, who then told her she wasn’t special. And, although I think Kate is special in her own abilities and talents (btw…she’s waaayyy talented — check out her blog — I love her Celtic posts!), she certainly isn’t special when it comes to the fear that every writer has. Okay. I guess I don’t know EVERY writer. But, any time that I’ve talked to one of my writer friends/acquaintances about this soul-sucking anxiety that seems to encompass me at times, I come away as feeling not very special myself.
I even wrote an article about this phenomenon published by Vision: A Resource for Writers (Vision publishes once a quarter and always has tons of useful information. You should check it out.) entitled Getting Beyond the First Five Pages in 2010. Why the title? I’ve been stuck in that revision cycle myself. Trying to make the first five pages awesome.
But, mainly I wrote the article for a friend who shall remain nameless as she’s a cop and carries a gun. LOL At any writer events, she would introduce herself by her name and when asked what she wrote, she’d say “I write the first five pages.” She’s a wonderful writer. Extremely talented. But, knowing her almost as well as I know myself — I know it was fear making her do this. Mostly fear of not being perfect. Yes, she’s a little (okay, a LOT) OCD at times. A perfectionist. (You know I luv ya, right?!?) And there’s nothing wrong with that unless it keeps you from succeeding. And, she’s MUCH too talented not to succeed. She’s come a long way and has learned to give that internal editor a kick in the nether region when she’s in writing mode.
If you have the time, check out Kate’s blog and my article. Then come back and leave a comment. Do you get scared about your writing? What are your fears? How do you conquer (or at least tame) them?
Domestic Violence: Are You Safe at Home?
Robert Montgomery said, “Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest.”
What a beautiful sentiment. Home should be a place where all who abide there feel safe and cherished. Unfortunately, there are some homes that know violence and fear instead.
According to the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 2.3 million Americans are raped or physically assaulted by a current or former intimate partner each year. One in four women will experience intimate partner abuse at some point in their lives. The Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that, on average, more than three women are murdered every day by their current or former husbands or boyfriends.
Domestic violence can also have a devastating affect on children. Thirty to sixty percent of those who abuse their spouses or intimate partners also abuse children in the household. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to become abusers themselves. Girls who grow up in homes watching their mothers being abused often end up in abusive relationships as adults.
According to the SafeHaven website, “domestic violence is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, verbal and psychological attacks used to control an intimate partner or family member. Without intervention, violence typically escalates in frequency and severity.”
SafeHaven lists the following as examples of abusive behavior:
*Pushes, shoves, holds you against your will, prevents you from leaving.
*Slaps, bites, chokes, hits, punches, throws things at you.
*Subjects you to reckless driving.
*Threatens or hurts you with a weapon or object.
*Rapes you or forces sex.
*Accuses you of having sex with others.
*Insults or drives away your family and friends, isolates you.
*Humiliates you in public or private.
*Punishes or deprives kids when mad at you, abuses pets.
*Keeps you from working, controls your money, refuses to work.
*Criticizes you, calls you names, shouts at you
*Insults your beliefs, religion, race or class.
Check out their website for more indications of abuse.
If you are in an abusive relationship, there is help available. In Tarrant County contact the SafeHaven Hotline at 1-877-701-SAFE(7233). Or, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
SafeHaven has resources available in Arlington and Fort Worth including shelters, counseling, play therapy and legal assistance. They also offer a batterer’s intervention program for those who realize they need to change or for those who are court ordered to attend.
If you have filed for divorce or if you are in family court for custody litigation, talk to your attorney. The court can issue protective orders to keep your abuser away. This will give the police the ability to arrest the abuser should he or she be harassing or stalking you or should they show up on your property. If you cannot afford an attorney, you can apply for assistance through Legal Aid of NorthWest Texas. There are other legal aid offices throughout the country.
If you find yourself in an abusive situation, you should seek help immediately. Call 911 if you are currently in danger. If you are not in immediate danger, call one of the hotlines above. Make sure you are in a safe location and that you cannot be overheard by your abuser. Make sure you use a telephone or computer that is not being monitored.
Technology today can allow your abuser to monitor every keystroke or record your calls. Photographs you take with your cell phone and upload to the internet may have geo-tagging information imbedded in the photographs allowing those with the software to determine where you were when the picture was taken. For more information on how this works and how to change your phone settings, check out the I Can Stalk U website.
If you are unable to get to another computer, SafeHaven has a large icon at the bottom right of their website which allows you to click on it should your abuser come into the room. It will lock that particular site for an hour to help minimize your risk.
Remember: women are not the only ones who are abused. And, men are not the only abusers. Regardless of your gender, seek help if you need it. There is no shame in reaching out. No matter what your abuser says, you are not responsible for their actions. No one deserves to be abused.
Every house where love abides
And friendship is a guest,
Is surely home, and home sweet home
For there the heart can rest.
~Henry Van Dyke
I first published this article at examiner.com on August 27, 2010.
*This article is not intended as legal advice. If you need legal advice, please consult with an attorney.
Book Reviews: The Good, The Bad & The Downright Ugly
For some reason, I don’t really enjoy writing book reviews. I love writing. I love reading. I don’t mind tweeting how awesome a book was or posting a similar comment on facebook or verbally discussing it. But I just can’t get any thrill from writing reviews on books I’ve read. Even great ones.
However, I have learned how important these are to writers. So I do them. Even for those I don’t know but whose books I have enjoyed. And that’s all I wrote for the most part. Good book reviews. If I didn’t like the book I didn’t write a review.
I really dislike hurting people’s feelings. But I realized something recently. Just like at a workshop, I’m really not doing the author any favors by not giving a decent critique if there are issues that he could address in subsequent novels which would make those much better. This is especially true for those who are self-publishing and don’t have the advantage of having agents and editors looking over their material before it’s out there. (Not that I haven’t read plenty of traditionally published novels with problems. And I’ve read many self-published books that I’ve loved.)
Most importantly though, I realized it really wasn’t doing the reader any favors by allowing someone who writes like a 6th grader to look like his book will be excellent just because his friends have posted all 5-star ratings. Which is what happened to me yesterday. I downloaded a book with 4 awesome reviews. Thank goodness it was free!
Okay…going off on a tangent here. I know some of you will say I got what I paid for and that you don’t read the cheapies because they (of course) couldn’t be any good. I disagree with that. While some of the material definitely should not have seen the light of day — at least not yet — I have been quite surprised by some of the eBooks under $2.99. Some were lowered just to get people interested in their other novels which are priced higher. And it worked. For me anyway. I have found new authors that I love to read because of experimenting with the lower priced books. And I don’t mind taking a chance on someone new to me when the cost is so little. Okay…back to the main topic.
The book I read yesterday was a horror. In the horror genre that is. Although reading it felt sort of horrifying at times. I wouldn’t have finished reading it except that it had a good premise. The plot was working and it was even kind of eerie at times. But the sucky writing kept pulling me out of the story. So, I wrote a review. I pointed out a few of the major problems such as word echoes, poor sentence structure and incorrect word usage — not to mention so many typos!
Seriously, this book had so much promise. It just needed a writer who was committed to the craft of writing. Someone who would take some classes, join a workshop and have someone professionally edit and help tighten the work. Create the flow. I love to get lost in a good horror book and I think this one would have been a good one to be able to get lost in. Too bad it didn’t work.
I’ve seen reviews that were raving about a book that so obviously didn’t deserve them. I’ve seen reviews that were so downright ugly I felt horrible for the poor author. Maybe the book was horrible. I just don’t think there is ANY reason to be condescending with intent to hurt. So in my review I pointed out the potential and the good qualities along with the things that need some adjusting. Just like I would to my friends who ask for feedback on their writing.
So what do you think? Have I blown my Writer’s Karma all the way to Hades? Do you leave reviews on books? Only good or do you leave reviews on books that aren’t very well done as well?
Book Review: Anasazi Runner: a novel of identity and speed by Jeff Posey
This is a review I posted on Amazon for Anasazi Runner: a novel of identity and speed, a novel by Jeff Posey. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and highly recommend it. It’s currently free for Amazon Prime Members!
I was given a copy of this book free and asked to write a review. While the premise seemed interesting, I was a little hesitant at first. This is not a genre I typically read and it’s about running. Running! Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a runner. I have never enjoyed running. And to be honest, I don’t really understand people who do enjoy it. But, that’s okay. We are all different and I’m sure others have a hard time understanding things the way I do them.
But you can see why I was a little reserved. The book started off a little slow for me; however, after about the first 25 pages, I was hooked. Mr. Posey gives us a cast of characters and makes us care about them — their similarities and their differences. I was glad to be along for the emotional and often humorous (thanks to the Jesse – the cantankerous coach) journey as they evolved, found themselves and found each other.
While the book definitely had running throughout its pages, it really wasn’t about running. Of course, I was there cheering Sean on each step of the way and hoping he met the impossible goals he set for himself. But this novel is about hope and the indefatigable human spirit. Although I don’t know if a marathon can ever be run in under two hours, Mr. Posey brings you in, wraps you up and makes you believe that with talent, lots of hard (very hard) work, encouragement, faith in yourself and perseverance — ANYTHING is possible.
Have you read this book? Did you like it as much as I did? If you haven’t read this one, what’s the latest book you really enjoyed? I love finding new authors to read! Don’t you?
For Pete’s Sake — Buy a Thesaurus Already!
Okay, a confession. I don’t really know Pete. So for my sake and the sake of all your readers, the sake of your writing and your reputation and for all that’s good and right in the world, please please please BUY and (here’s the important part) USE a Thesaurus.
In case you don’t know how to find one (because surely that’s the only reason anyone would use the same word over and over and over and, well you get the point), here’s a good inexpensive reference book:
You can get a pocket set that is under $5 for a dictionary and thesaurus. I just recently bought one of these for my briefcase, so I’ll be able to come up with the correct word regardless of where I decide to write.
There are also free websites that allow you to search for words and their synonyms. Thesaurus.com (http://thesaurus.com/) has a lot of cool resources. One I especially like is the audio feature … just in case you’re not quite sure how to pronounce a word.
If all else fails and you just don’t have access to anything else, whatever word program you use more than likely has a thesaurus built in. It might not be all encompassing, but check it out under tools. It’s definitely better than nothing and it’s saved my work more than a few times.
So, why am I on a thesaurus kick this morning? Because, the night before last, I read a book from a New York Times best-selling author that was riddled with the word “jolt.” I’m not exaggerating to say that this word in some form or other was used every two or three pages throughout a 350+ page novel. On the conservative side that would be approximately 116 times. And I mean conservative. I saw this word occasionally twice on the same page and at least once in the same paragraph.
Someone was inevitably being “jolted” awake, feeling a “jolt” of recognition, or having a “jolting” cup of coffee that “jolted” the senses. Okay. So, I made that last one up. But, it’s not much of a stretch.
What I want to know is how the author couldn’t have seen this? Really. I know it’s often difficult to see things in our own work. But, come on! If you’re typing a word that many times…sheesh!
Forget the author for a second. This is a traditionally published book by one of the big houses. Where were the copy-editors? An editor of any kind? What about the author’s agent? The friends, the beta readers? Did not anyone actually read this before it went to print? Hopefully it was fixed prior to being made available in eBook format, but it will have to be read by someone other than me to find out.
The first ten times or so I read this word, I got a little niggle (that’s a word, I‘m pretty sure) in my brain that something just wasn’t right. After that, my eye began to twitch and my blood pressure increased. I was completely “jolted” out of the story EVERY time afterward. That’s not a good thing. To have someone forced out of your novel every two or three pages is very detrimental to not only that book but your career.
Not everyone would have finished reading once the eye twitches began. Why did I? I’m not sure except that it hit me sort of like a train wreck. You don’t want to look, but you can’t seem to turn away. I think I wanted to see if the author finally got a clue as the writing progressed.
Nope.
At one point when I was “jolted” out of the narrative twice on the same page , I threw the book so hard against the wall it bounced back and hit me in the head. I’m glad it wasn’t a hard cover. Hopefully I won’t be scarred for life.
How could this have happened? It’s not exactly like it was a well established author at the time. The book was published in 2004 near the beginning of this author’s career. (Yes, I’m aware I keep saying author, but I don’t want to use gender. It’s not my intention to single out the writer or give you enough clues to figure out who this is. I like this person and have read other books written by him/her that I enjoyed.) My point is, at that early stage at least, shouldn’t someone have caught this? I mean it’s not like James Patterson or Nora Roberts who have proven themselves time and time again and no longer require intense scrutiny of their work before publication. Heck, they could probably get their grocery lists published if they were so inclined.
But a newbie author? With a big publishing house? When I see things fall through the cracks like this it certainly makes it harder for anyone to sell me on the fact that traditional publishing is the only way to preserve the integrity of the written word. I didn’t believe it before I read this book and I sure don’t believe it now. There are many talented indie writers out there who never would have made this sort of error.
The best thing ANY writer can do whether traditionally or self-pubbed is to write the best darn book he or she can. Use the resources available to you: reference books of all kinds, writing classes, critique groups and beta readers to name just a few. And if anyone ever points out an over-used word, find another. Read your material aloud. This probably helps me more than anything else I do on my own to assist me in finding frequently used terminology/phrases. (It also helps me make sure I have the pacing correct, but that’s a topic for another day.)
Did this particular author ever figure out there was an obvious problem? Well, I don’t recall having this be an issue in other books I’ve read by him/her. However, there was an excerpt of the author’s next book at the end of the one I was reading. And, guess what?
The VERY FIRST LINE of the next novel had someone being “jolted” awake. I kid you not. Guess I won’t be reading that one.
What about you? Have you had an experience like this with an author you like? Is there a particular word that you find yourself using repeatedly? What reference books do you find useful?
Prep Work for Family Court
I’ve talked mostly about co-parenting so far. But today, I want to give you some helpful (I hope you find it helpful) information on preparing for Family Court. Let’s say you’ve been served with divorce papers. Or, you get a petition to modify custody or access (anything that might change the parent/child relationship). Or, maybe you’re the one doing the filing. That’s okay. You still have to prepare as well.
Here are some of the things you’ll need to do:
- Hire an attorney.
- Make a commitment to keep your child(ren) out of the middle of any arguments the two of you may have and to refrain from speaking to them about court unless absolutely necessary and then in only the most general terms.
- Gather information to have in one place.
- Make sure you know where the courthouse is located and any parking issues.
Now, I want to go over these in a little more detail.
Do I really need an attorney? In my opinion — yes, absolutely. If you represent yourself, you’re too emotionally involved to see the big picture. Plus in most cases, you’re going to have to know the laws of evidence and procedure in order to get your evidence admitted into court. You’ll have to file your own legal paperwork, make sure all witnesses are subpoenaed and question the witnesses yourself. If you can’t figure out how to get your evidence admitted or how to ask questions correctly, you’ve lost the fight before you’ve ever had a chance. I’ve worked within the family court system for nearly twenty years providing expert testimony and I wouldn’t want to have to do this myself. There are just so many things that you don’t know that an attorney does.
You also need to understand those legal documents the other side will be filing and know what is expected of you. There are deadlines to meet and your own documents that must be filed in a timely manner. Believe me. Unless you have experience reading legalese, those documents can get very confusing and you’ll need an attorney to translate them for you. Sometimes it doesn’t even look like English. Oh the words might be English but they’re used in such a way that you’re wondering if you’ve suddenly forgotten how to read.
Why can’t my kids know what’s going on? I’m not saying they don’t need to know about the divorce or that mommy and daddy are trying to work out the best arrangements for them. BUT they do not need to know the circumstance behind the decision to file. Do you think it really helps them to hear that “Mommy is a two-bit ’ho who was sleeping with daddy’s best friend?” Or that “Daddy is the biggest a-hole on the planet? Of course not. Remember. You’re child is half of each of you. So if mommy’s a ‘ho and daddy’s an “a-hole” then you’re telling your child that he or she is basically a rotten person as neither half of them is any good. And you and I both know that’s not true. But it’s how your child will see it and internalize it. I’ve seen it happen way too many times.
Check out my previous post Respect: An Integral Element of Co-Parenting for some tips on getting along for the sake of your kids.
What kind of information do I need to have? I would suggest you get a notebook or a file box and put together a collection of items you might need. For me, a notebook with tabs would probably work best and be most mobile. You may work better a different way. But, basically what you’ll need to collect is anything that can help you in court, such as the following:
- List of all yours and your children’s doctors for at least the last five years (more if you or your child has a chronic medical condition that may affect custody and access). You’ll need full names, addresses and phone numbers as well as what each doctor treated you or your child for.
- Make a list of the same info for dentists, mental health professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, etc).
- List of medications you or your child currently take.
- List with same info for any child care providers for at least the past five years.
- List of all schools your child has attended. Again, full addresses and phone numbers. Teachers names and dates/grades attended. If you have documentation from the school for problems or (preferably no problems) for the past two years or so, you may want to make a tab/file with these so you’ll have them handy.
- Check stubs or income tax returns for at least the past two years.
- List of employers you’ve had for at least the past five years. Same info you gathered for the others.
- Your addresses for at least the past five years.
- If you rent, your current landlords’ contact information.
- A list of why you think you should have primary custody (if you really think you should). Try to make this list up without mentioning the other party’s faults. Base it solely on yourself.
- A list of reasons you think the other party should not have primary. Try to be as specific as possible. Generalities really don’t help your case much. If you have documentation of any kind that will help prove your case (letters from CPS, police reports, emails from teachers, medical/hospital records, phone records, etc.) put them in this file or behind this tab. Or if there are a lot you may want to make a tab/folder for each different type of documentation.
- You’ll probably want to keep a copy of all legal documents and orders in one place where you have easy access to them.
This list is not in order of importance. Nor is it a complete list of what might be important to your attorney, or what you might need while going through a social study or while you’re in court. Add whatever else you or your attorney thinks important.
Why should I bother finding out in advance where the courthouse is? I have gps. I’m sure many of you do. However, I’ve been lead astray by my gps before. Ended up in Deliverance country. NOT a good feeling. However, timeliness in court is very very, (did I say very?) important. If you’re late enough, the judge may think you’re not coming and the other party could get a default order. This basically means they get whatever they asked for. And if they asked for you to have supervised access only (or even none at all) then you’re stuck with that until you can get another hearing date and argue to have that changed.
If at all possible go during the week about the same time your first hearing is set for. This will help judge the traffic and time it takes to get there and get parked during your hearing. Make it a trial run. If you can’t go during the week, then at least go on the weekend to make sure you know where to go and what streets may be one-way.
Figure out where the parking lots or garages are. These are usually the best places to park. You pay a set fee and don’t have to keep worrying about your meter. Just because you’re set for a 9 am hearing DOES NOT mean your case will be heard then. In some courts, many cases are set at that same time and the judge works through them one by one. You may be there several hours. You may be there all day. Also be aware that in some downtown courts, the meters may expire within one or two hours AND you are not allowed to leave your vehicle there longer than that. You in fact have to move the car within that time frame or risk a ticket. If you’re in the middle of your own hearing, the judge is not going to stop and back up his or her docket just so you can do something with your car. All in all, you really may want to think about the parking lots and garages.
Give yourself extra time to get parked because invariably you’ll get someone in front of you who goes slow enough around the garage that they appear to be backing up. This especially happens when you’re late and in a hurry.
Give yourself plenty of time to walk to the courthouse from where you park.
Make sure you know where your attorney wants to meet you. You may be instructed to meet them in the courtroom or possibly even on a different floor.
Also, consider the fact that because the first number of a court starts with 2, does not mean it’s on the 2nd floor. So, it’s important you know where within the courthouse it is so you’re not stumbling around looking for it and end up being late after all your planning and preparation. How bad would it be for the other party to tell the judge how you’re always late for everything (i.e. getting your child to school/activities, child support payments, exchanges) only to have you show up late in court? Kind of hard to deny something the judge has seen for him or herself.
Now, the MOST important thing about all this information you’ve gathered? DO NOT LEAVE THIS WHERE YOUR CHILD CAN FIND IT. If you’ve basically been lax about leaving things around for your children to read and the court finds out about it; well, let’s just say, it won’t be pretty.
These are just a few tips for preparing your way for court. Ultimately follow your attorney’s advice.
Be prepared to try to settle your case. Most people do end up settling/mediating. In most cases, this is most definitely better for the children than a protracted court battle. And it’s less stressful in the long run on you, the parents.
*NOTE: Here’s my typical disclaimer for these posts–I am not an attorney. These opinions are mine alone and are based on my years of experience working within the family court system. They are not meant as legal advice nor as representative of anyone else’s opinion. If you need legal advice (and I believe if you’re involved in child custody litigation, you really do), please consult with an attorney.
What Makes for a Reader Friendly Blog?
Welcome to The Written Word Wednesday edition of my blog. Today’s topic is blogs and making them reader friendly.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no expert on blogging. I’ve only just started this journey recently myself and my blog is in a state of transition as I learn. I think I’m finally going to have to break down and buy one of the WordPress for Dummies books out there as there are things I’d like to do and undo on my site that I’m not quite sure yet how to do. I’ve already learned a lot of the technical stuff since the first day and my “What the heck am I doing???” mantra. But there is so much more! So much. So so much. <sigh>
I am, however, an expert reader. I’ve been doing it since I was 4. I’m not saying how old I am now, but believe me when I say — it’s been a long long time. I can’t even begin to estimate how many books I’ve read. I know it’s in the thousands. I read anywhere from 3 to 5 a week. And I’ve read hundreds of blogs on many many many topics. Heck, I even read the back of cereal boxes when there’s nothing else there to occupy me. But what Captain Crunch was up to probably doesn’t really matter for this post. So moving on…
I’m going to give you my opinion on the 3 most important things that makes blogs user friendly and makes me want to keep coming back for more. Are you ready?
The number one thing of course is content. You have to have something to say that is interesting and helpful. No one wants to read a blog about what you do everyday. I wouldn’t even want to read a blog about what my best friend does every day and she has some pretty interesting days. And no one wants to read a blog from someone who does nothing more than hawk his or her books.
Give us something interesting. Something that’s going to inform or amuse us; makes us think, laugh, cry. Today alone, I have laughed, teared up and taxed my brain with different blogs.
If you have a hobby or are an expert at something, share that passion and knowledge. Maybe you’re still learning about something — let us learn along with you.
Take writing for instance. There are a few people out there who can probably call themselves experts at writing. Dean Koontz, Stephen King and Nora Roberts come to mind. But for the majority of us, I think we’re still learning. Especially in the changing marketplace and with all the new opportunities available to authors out there. That doesn’t mean we can’t blog about writing and reading and authors. We learn as we go and so do our readers.
Then there are specialized topics. When I did investigations for the state and for the family courts, I was considered an expert for the courts. So I feel good about sharing my knowledge and giving my opinions to help those who are stuck in family court and co-parenting hell. Not that co-parenting itself is hell. If you’re both trying and doing your best to co-parent effectively, then it’s really easier and more peaceful than the alternatives. When one or both of you resent the other and don’t try…that’s when it becomes hell on earth. (Ummm…sorry, my topics seemed to merge there for a second. I’m a little ADD today.)
I don’t give advice, but I share what I learned during those nearly twenty years and hope my readers will come away a little better for having read my blog. I know that not everyone is going to want to read about custody, access and co-parenting, but if I can help a few people, that’s what I care about. It’s also why I write about authors, books and writing on a different day and why I have a day set aside I can write about anything else that pops into my head during the week that might not fit into the other two days. There’s something there to help others, something I’m interested in and then something that may be a surprise to me as well as to the reader. Not that I think this is the perfect way to do it. It’s just the way I do it. Everyone has to find their own thing.
So, think about it. What insights do you have to share? What do you want to learn more about that you can pass on to your readers as your knowledge grows?
I think the second most important thing that makes a good blog is readability. Is your content readily accessible? Is it clear, unobstructed? Is it eye-friendly?
I have read some wonderful blogs in the past. The content/posts were very informative, humorous, or important in other ways to me. I loved reading them. But, it was disaster for my eyes. If someone has to constantly try to read past the bright colors and other objects covering the words or try to see hard to read fonts & shades…they probably won’t keep coming back.
I’ve had problems with my eyes since forever I guess. I had to get really thick bi-focals in third grade. As technology improved, the glasses weren’t so thick, thank goodness. My senior year of high school I got contacts. After more than 20 years of wearing those, I finally had Lasik Surgery. Best thing I had done for myself at that point.
I could see perfectly for about 8 years without glasses of any kind. Then about a year and a half ago, I had to start using reading glasses. Probably caused by all the reading, writing, glare from computers and well yeah, I’m getting a little older.
Now by the end of the day, my eyes are really tired and they don’t like to have to work hard at reading. So, if I’m on a blog where the words are a challenge because of the fonts, hues and obstructions, chances are I’m outta there. I’d have to be really motivated to stay put and read.
When I’m reading a blog, I want to be able to find the posts easily on a side bar. And better yet…they should be categorized, so I don’t have to wade through tons of posts on duck hunting (which I have no interest in) to get to one about Keanu Reeves (not that I go searching those out or anything.. but sheesh I think he’s pretty awesome and I thought that by putting his name in here, he might google himself and end up on my blog. How cool would that be?) And, if you’re reading this Keanu — I’m not really all that old! I’m just trying to make a point here.
Ummm…where was I?
Oh yeah! Readability. So think about your readers. Not everyone has perfect eyesight and it may make things harder on them than it is worth it to have bright and flashy or dark and gloomy, etc. Have an older person or someone you know who has eye problems read your blog and see if they have difficulty with it.
And finally, the third most important thing (in my opinion) for a user friendly blog is to make it easy for people to comment. I hate to start commenting, get all my thoughts written down only to discover that there is no way for me to actually do so.
Some blogs have it so you have to sign in via facebook, twitter or some other program. Believe it or not, there are people out there that don’t use any of those. And even though I do have both facebook and twitter accounts, I don’t sign into anything using another program/website. It might be safe, but I like to keep things separate.
In my humble opinion I think its best to have a way for someone to sign on with their name/url or even anonymously. If you’re worried about spam, download a plugin that will help keep spam from posting to your site. The only one I can recommend is Akismet because it’s the only one I’ve used. (And it works great!) I’m sure there are others out there.
What’s almost as bad as not having an easy way to login is having those CAPTCHA plugins someone has to try to figure out in order to insert the phrase into a box. Don’t know what a CAPTCHA is? According to Wikipedia, A CAPTCHA “is a type of challenge-response test used in computing as an attempt to ensure that the response is generated by a person.” (Check out the geek & poke website where I got the cartoon below. Very cool!)
Basically it’s those really fuzzy sets of numbers/letters that can make a person crazy if stared at too long. (If Data can’t figure it out; I have no hope. ) I will say that the technology has gotten better and sometimes you can ask for a different one if you can’t read the first that pops up. But, if I have to make more than two attempts…I don’t. Period. I have too many other things calling for my attention. Keanu? Have you made it to my blog, yet?
Anyway — here are the main three again:
1. Content rules your blog.
2. Readability and accessibility are vital.
3. Make it easy for people to comment.
What about you? What makes you love one blog while not liking another so much? If you want to give a shout out to someone’s blog you think is very reader friendly, go ahead and post a link in your comment. I’m giving a shout out to Kristin Nador’s blog Exploring Creativity One Venue at a Time. It’s clean, easy to read, with categories on the sidebar and it’s easy to comment.
And if you don’t mind, tell me how you think I can improve mine to make it better. I’m all about improvement. (And I’m a writer. I can take critique. I won’t curl up in a ball and hit my head over and over. Well, no more than an hour anyway. LOL) I know I have this little scrolling search box on the sidebar. I have no clue how to get this off there. I don’t know how it got there. So, if any of you more tech savvy people out there know — please help!
Thank you all for stopping by. You might tell Keanu that I’m crossing my fingers in hopes he’ll show up. It’s getting pretty hard to type, so I’ll bid you adieu for now. ;-D